The world without (the outside) is an exact hard copy of the world within (the inside), or the soft copy. Beliefs are core programmesthat run in the mega computer known as The Mind. The magnitude of the power of a single thought is a drop, compared to the power of a million similar thoughts which become as commanding as the ocean. When many similar thoughts come together, they bond and form what is known as a belief. This belief is then anchored securely into the subconscious mind and becomes responsible for the reality you then experience. Thoughts become beliefs, beliefs then drive your behavior, behaviors turn into habits, and the summary of your habits dictate your destiny.
4. Why is God doing this to me!
Mini Solution: “Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.” – Wayne Dyer. If you begin to look at your beliefs with a new and fresh perceptive, you may be surprised at what realizations follow!
I was asked again this weekend “how much do you love me?” I have written about this before and have even made a video with on it. I will share my reply this time.
“Much” refers to an amount or size. Size is relative. If I was an ant and I had to stretch my hands to show you how much I love you, then this will be rather small. If I was a giant then then my arms will stretch really wide. But is this even enough?
If I can tell you how much I love you then my love is limited. If it is limited then it is conditional. I cannot love like this.
I love you. Full stop.
If I gave you a 5 kg weight to carry, you may manage that easily. But if I gave you a 20 kg weight to carry, you may struggle to hold it for very long.
Love is like this. It isn’t about how much I can give you, it is about how much you are able to receive.
You can only get the love you think you deserve and the love you allow yourself to receive.
Most people fall in love based on one of two conditions.
1. They believe it will last forever.
2. They believe he/she is the one.
With such pressure, no wonder there are relationship disasters everywhere you look.
Where do we learn such nonsense from?
Well, it begins from before we go to school. You base all your romantic relationships on what you learnt from reading Cinderalla and Snow White.
There is no happily ever after. No one lives happily ever after. Shit happens anytime, all the time. But we pick ourselves up and keep moving forward.
Women are brought up to believe that some Knight in shining armour or some prince is coming to save them. Of course this prince has to look a certain way and be wealthy. What bullocks! Why can’t the princess save the knight in distress. Is it not real for just 2 people to fall in love? Why does the guy have to be the one with a career and the money?
Women, save yourselves. Be the heroine of your own life. Men, do not be pressured into believing you have to be the sole bread winner in a relationship. It is okay if she earns more than you. Always remember, just because a light is broken, don’t change the house, change the bulb. There’s no perfect relationship. Relationships require immense time and energy to grow and nurture.
Finally, do not put conditions on why you should love. Love for the sake of loving. An open heart will always be filled with love. Nothing lasts forever, not ice cream or chocolate or sunsets.
Enjoy it all while it’s there.
When a plate breaks in half, it can easily be fixed. If that same plate breaks again, it could possibly be fixed. But if that same plate breaks again and again and again, you will be left with thousands of tiny pieces…and that becomes close to impossible to put back together.
Of course I am not talking just about plates. I am talking about relationships as well.
If you continuously do things that put pressure on a relationship or create unnecessary arguments, it will eventually be beyond repair.
Just because something breaks doesn’t mean it is broken. When a thing becomes broken, it becomes unusable.
Before your relationship becomes broken, mend it or become consciously aware to not keep breaking it. Because once its broken it’s lost forever. Even a plate that is glued together will never be as beautiful as the original.
Today I completely give up my need to be right. In doing so, I choose peace. I no longer need to defend my opinion, my beliefs or my religious views, or force my ideas onto anyone.
When I am no longer needing to be right, I cannot engage in an argument with anyone or being insulted or hurt by anyone. I move in acceptance and love. My EGO does not have any power over me.
The need to be right means I live within limits and closed mindedness. I have closed my heart to new concepts and to people. I am rigid and find it difficult to make friends or for that matter keep friends.
The need to be right cost’s me opportunities, peace of mind and my happiness.
Today and everyday from this point, I choose to not need to be right in every conversation I have with anyone I engage with.
I choose to let it be and therefore be free.
A very good friend sent me an interesting message. He said, “I have always been a fan of how you love so fearlessly.”
I smiled. That was really so well expressed of who and how I am.
What does that mean though? How do you love fearlessly?
I can tell you that I have lost more than I have loved, but the paradox is I have also gained more than I have loved. I once flew 7500 km to keep a promise and to tell a girl I loved her straight into her eyes, only to have her reject me on my birthday, 6 hours before my flight out of the country. That may sound painful and yeah it is. But I would do that all over again a thousand times and will continue to do so as well.
To love fearlessly is to have infinite courage and strength. It means you have an emotional bullet proof vest on. Bullet proof vests do not protect you from the impact. It protects you from dying. No matter what anyone does to you, you pick yourself up and you go on your next adventure.
I do not find any value in having to fall in love. I want to live in such a way that I am aways falling in love. The joy is not what you experience in the end. It’s what you are experiencing in the middle. When you skydive, the thrill is while you are falling, not when you have fallen.
It is this state that you want to be in.
If being in love is dependent on what the other person says or does then this is not love. This is conditional love. Pseudo love. Fake love. Love need not be returned. Love that is expected is usually returned with disappointment. What is most important is that you love! Is that your entire being is filled with this energy. This becomes fuel for you to drive you to many successes.
Most people say that they will never love again due to all the pain or their heart is too broken or that they can never trust again… Let me share my philosophy, which is that my past and present experiences does not dictate my future experience. Yesterday is not today and is not tomorrow, just as an apple is not an orange nor a grape. Each relationship or opportunity is new and so is every person. However if you carry the same beliefs you will have the same experience. You cannot run from yourself. You carry your stuff everywhere you go, just as you carry your luggage while travelling. It does not matter what has happened to you in the past, it can be different today!
It is possible to be in a constant state of love. People confuse this for the first few months of infatuation in a relationship. They also confuse it to mean you must be in love with a person. You can love your family, your friends, your phone, Friday, you car, your cat! I have about 80 years on this planet. This is not enough to love and give love and express my love. And you think you cannot stay in love? This is a waste of a life.
I do not care for love not being returned. Because if I truly love, then the love that leaves my heart is returned to it’s source in an instant!!!
Each chance you get to love, do it. Speak your heart. Go the distance. Do whatever it takes. This doesn’t just apply to relationships. It applies across the board.
Love until it hurts, because it will hurt more until you love.
If you have the courage to love, you have truly lived.
This is my Valentines Day Message.
I want to tear apart a few myths about relationships this Valentines day. You are going to have to really open your mind to receive this message. I apologise in advance for bursting your fantasies.
1. Soul mates do not exist. The problem here is the thought that each person has an individual and unique soul. No such thing exists. All souls are connected. There is one soul. If I fill some ocean in a cup, is what is in the cup not ocean? The cup has an identity but the ocean is still in the cup. The soul doesn’t need a partner or mate. There is no separateness. We live though, as if we are the cup and we experience our world through the cup.
2. There is no such thing as someone being meant for you. What does happen is that we have karmic ties and soul contracts. If you have an appointment with the dentist, you will see the dentist at that particular time and place. That is all. All contracts can be terminated and each individual can be released of this karmic tie. I do know, that whatever we are experiencing we have already chosen to before we come into this body. Very similar to deciding what movie you want to watch. So there is no such thing as The One. There is only the one of many that can be.
3. The word relationship comes from the word relate. How are you related to someone means how are you connected to someone. Understand this, when you knock on the door, you are also the one opening, when you make that call, you are also the one answering. All relationships are relationships with yourself. You are connecting with you, everywhere you go. The strange thing about life is, where ever you go, there you are. Awareness of this truth leads to healing of your relationships. There is healing because there is love. All relationships reflect your own relationship with your self. You connect with what you are. Shift the relationship with self, and all other ones shift too.
4. Before we marry, we usually consult an astrologer to check our compatibility. If not an astrologer, we check ourselves to see if the 2 star signs work well together. This is important, but remember it is an external check. We almost never take the time to do an internal check. Are your values compatible? How does he spend his time, energy, money, space as compared to you? They need not match, but do they at least compliment each other? If your highest value is on family and his is on work, then there is bound to be unrealistic expectations on him to be the family guy and this leads to frustration, infedility and divorce. We don’t know who we marry because we never took the time to know their values. Our focus is on knowing favourite colours and food. Get to really know someone by knowing their values. You can then understand them or communicate to them in their values or change your values to match theirs or compliment theirs.
5. Sex is the most important thing in a relationship. I know many people who say that this is the last thing that decides if a relationship works. Firstly when I say sex, I am not talking intercourse. Sex is being intimate and sensual with another person. This is not necessarily penetration. Inti-mate: internal connection with your partner. Sensual: engaging all 5 senses in your experience. Touch is crucial. Holding hands, kissing, hugging, caressing, cuddling… Do this regularly and your relationship with last a very long time. Please do not expect anything to last if you sleep on your back and expect your partner to do the work and simply orgasm. The end of sex is not an orgasm, the end of sex is feeling whole.
6. Happily ever after is for Disney stories not real life. It does not exist. No relationship lasts forever. So why do we expect it to? People break up with each other for various reasons and sometimes even no reason. What is inevitable though is death. Either you will die or your partner will leaving one partner behind. Enjoy what is of the relationship now. People and situations always change. Expect the unexpected. Do not fantasise of a forever. This will lead to heart ache and pain. If you have loved each other for a moment that is enough. Be grateful if another moment comes by.
7. Relationships are about giving and taking. But not in the way you are thinking. It is about giving support and taking responsibility. In a relationship you always give the other person support in being the best person they can be. For me, this is the highest form of relationship love. You also take responsibility for yourself. Most people become involved in a relationship only to become dependent on the other person financially, mentally and emotionally or even physically. What you dep-end, will always end in pain. Do not rely on another person for anything. Children need parents to depend on. Are you are a child?
8. Why are you married? I bet most of you never thought about that question. I am pretty sure most of you are screaming, “It is because I love my partner!” About 0.1% of you will be correct on that. The rest of you got married because, your family said you must, you felt it was the next thing in life to do, you wanted to have kids, you wanted a joint income to live a comfortable life, society said you must, the movies make it look so wonderful, you need someone else to complete you, your family wanted to get rid of you, you fell pregnant, you made her pregnant, you thought it was a good idea, or you just want to wake up everyday with your best friend. Now you are thinking which category you fall into. Marriages have rules and regulations. It is a business contract. Break the rules and the contract terminates. Simple as that. Who defines the rules? You and your partner do based on your fantasies and expectations of each other. When referring to someone being married, we say “they are tying the knot.” This is the give away, the truth. You are no longer free. You are tied to something or someone. It does not have to be this way. It is time to change the concept of marriage into one of freedom. Only you can decide this.
9. If they loved me then (some expectation). This really annoys me. Just because someone doesn’t do what you want does not mean they do not love you. Is this person your slave? Is their love conditional? Clearly you expect their love to be conditional based. Based on a condition they meet means they love you. If love has to be proved then it is not love. If you ever find yourself saying the above, your relationship is doomed. Prepare for disaster. There is only one exception to the rule. If they loved you, they will accept you and appreciate you. That is all. Of course this can only be experienced if you accept and appreciate yourself. Do not put conditions on another person’s love for you. Let it be free. Let the person be free.
10. Chocolates make you fat. Teddy Bears are for children. Flowers are killed and put in a vase for you. Do not buy in the Valentines Day concept of the above. Don’t get me wrong. You can express your love through things such as gifts and money. But if the feeling of your love is missing, then all you doing is buying some affection. It would be cheap for anyone to say you don’t need money on Valentines Day. People who say this just don’t have the money. This is okay. We can’t have all the money all the time. However the best things in life are free. Such as walking on the beach, star gazing, cuddling, writing a letter or poem, singing a song, sending a song dedication, long drive to nowhere, dancing, sitting on a bench in a park… You get the idea.
11. No one is better than another person. You cannot say your new partner is better than your ex. Surely you dated your ex because you found something good about him/her. You were not attracted to your ex for being a total bastard/bitch. All that happened is that you saw both sides of the person and you decided you could not live with that “bad” side. No human being can be compared to another. Each has his/her own good and bad qualities. You don’t deserve better. If you did you would have it. You deserve what you currently have. If you want “better”, you have to be okay with receiving better and be a vibrational match to that which you seek.
I wish you are beautiful Valentines Day filled with love and joy. Cherish the relationship you have. If you are single, cherish the relationship with yourself. Remember to be single is to be whole.
“As long as you are in this world you are not alone. Everyone needs a friend, if you can’t find one, then be one!” Mohan H
With all my love,
Mohan H Surujbally
A friend said to me last night, “What right do you have to speak on relationships and love when you are single?”
I would like to post a reply here:
1. If you think a relationship involves 2 people you are wrong. Your relationship is about you and a reflection of you.
2. No person is in a relationship all their life. You don’t sleep for 24 hours, you don’t work for 24 hours, neither do you eat for 24 hours. So why do you think all you life you could possibly be in a relationship? Even marriages takes breaks. You do not even know it when it happens.
3. The best authors on relationships have gone though divorce and messy relationships and still do. This only means they are not immune to the human experience and emotions.
4. You can’t have it right all the time, but you can have it right most of the time.
5. People are unpredictable (usually). You do not know when the next break up is coming. It is not a job. You do not have 30 days notice.
6. I said this before. Being single doesn’t “rock” anymore than being in a relationship “rocks”. There are benefits to drawbacks equally to both.
7. Single means complete. You go into a relationship to share your completeness not to become complete. I am complete.
8. I teach people how to find love and keep in love. People think this means “how to stay with someone forever.” No. It means how to be inspired. Spirit is love. To be in love is to be inspirit. Inspired.
Here’s your biggest problem…
You think that’s there’s something wrong with you. You think you need improvement or mending. There’s not a single thing wrong with you.
You have spent your entire life conforming to what the world defines as right or good. If you or your own life didn’t match the said template then ‘oh, there’s something wrong with me! “
I say this is your biggest problem because such thinking can only lead to lack of self value and self appreciation. The lack of such, leads to the crumbling of your life.
What have you, ‘supposed’ to have had or done with your life by now?
I supposed to have completed that degree.
I supposed to have had gotten 9 A’s.
I supposed to have been married.
I supposed to have had a million dollars in my bank account.
I supposed to be positive everyday.
I supposed to have completed this project.
I supposed to have been driving this car, living in that house.
If we know who, then by what authority do they have to say this to you? What makes
them the expert in your life or life for that matter?
If none of your “supposes” have manifested then you label yourself as a failure or perhaps just having badluck or even call yourself stupid or useless.
You think life is about accumulating accolades and accomplishments. You think life is about achieving and conquering and travelling lengthy distances. This is the bs story you have been made to believe is true.
There’s no where to go, you have already arrived. You search but have not realised you have already found.
There is nothing wrong with you. Never has, never will be. Refuse to live according to a standard mold. No 2 books in a library tell the same story. So why do you expect your life story to be like anothers? Each story is different and has its own genre, plot, characters and twists.
I’m going to be real with you. You may never get the girl or boy, live in the mansion or drive a Ferrari, or be the best at everything you do.
I can tell you a few really real things that are guaranteed though.
You can be happy.
You can be at peace.
You can laugh.
You can love
You can smile.
You can enjoy each moment…
regardless of what you achieve, accumulate or conquer, regardless of attaining anything.
Since you enjoy playing the “suppose” game. Let me give you a suggested list of supposes to consider.
What if your life is just supposed to be as it is?
What if you are supposed to be single right now?
What if you are supposed to experience this challenge right now?
What if you are supposed to endure the hardship?
What if you are supposed to only be financial free at 45?
If the above was declared normal and ‘okay’ then you would not be feeling miserable and sad about your life.
So now I ask, Why not declare it then?
You are the only person that has authority and power over your life. You can set the rules and live by them, or follow the rules and die by them.
The choice is yours to make.
There’s nothing wrong with you or your life.
Deep inside you is a treasure undiscovered. This means there are 3 types of people in the world:
1. Those that have burned their treasure map.
2. Those that cannot read their treasure map.
3. Those that don’t even know they have a treasure map.
The first thing is to figure out which type of person you are. Just be honest with yourself. You will know.
If you are person type 1:
You have given up on your dreams. Perhaps along the way it got a bit challenging for you. You did not know what to do next. You were scared of failing. You may have been ridiculed or laughed at. Whatever the reason, it does not matter. You may have given up on your dreams, but your dreams never give up on you. It’s never too late to try again, love again, believe again.
If you are person type 2:
You do not understand the purpose of the life you have been given. You wonder where to next. You wonder how to next. You wonder why to next. To ask such questions means you are searching. Life may very well be like an exam. Except in life we are given the answers and we need to come up with the questions. Great questions lead to an incredible life. Keep asking the questions. You are closer to being life literate than you know!
If you are person type 3:
You have very little self worth and love. You constantly think that world owes you as you are always giving of so much of yourself, you expect to be appreciated but are not. This expectation leads to a lot of sadness and frustration. You settle for what you are given. You feel that your life is beyond your control and that you are a mere puppet. These people are usually bored and seek external things for their happiness. However when these people find out about their treasure map, you best get out of their way… As nothing and no one can stop them.
What is this treasure?
It is different for everyone. But there are a few I can mention to you so you may recognise it when you find yours…
I would like me to help you find your treasure. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org