Archive for June, 2012
1. Never listen to your partner.
2. Call them names.
3. Keep a check list of all the things you did for them and wait for it to paid back.
4. Do not give them time and space to themselves.
5. Talk to them while texting on your phone.
6. Spend all your time on work.
7. Compare your partner to your ex or your mother/father
8. Be nice all the time and never be a challenge.
9. Agree with everything they say and do.
10. Do not take the time to learn more about their dreams.
11. When you fight, pick on the past A LOT.
12. Go through his or her messages on their email or phone.
13. Make everything about you.
14. Do not make the time to be intimate.
15. Do not show gratitude when they do something for you.
16. Say “me too” when they say “I love you”
17. Let go of his/her when you meet your friends.
18. Never make the time to sit down and talk for hours.
19. Tell them how stupid their favourite things are.
20. Reply with one word answers such as “ok, yes, no, yep”
21. Spend more time with your friends then with your partner.
22. Break your all your promises and make the same mistakes over and over again.
23. Keep on complaining and being negative about everything in your life.
24. Insist that you are always right.
25. Never be open, honest and clear.
Until we meet again…happy loving.
My grandmother picked up a wedding card recently – yet another one from an unknown far off cousin I have never met – with such joy in her voice! “Oh happy days, he is finally getting married!” I am certain you are familiar with this scenario or at the very least have been at the end of words such as “When are you getting married? Do you have a steady partner? or Don’t you think it is time to get married now?”
From my observation, I have noticed that grandparents / parents born in the 1950s and earlier seem to be on a mission to get you married. It is as though, life just cannot go on if you do not succumb to getting married. 99% of the married of the people I know, who are married for at least 30 years all tell me, “Hitesh, there is no need to rush into a marriage, in fact better still, don’t get married.”
Don’t get me wrong, these people actually happen to love their partners. I doubt they could go a day without their partners – but the message to me is that there is more to life than getting married. It is not something that HAS to be done and it is not mandatory. The old school type of thinking is that – you go to school, you do well, you go to university, you study hard, you get a good job, you get married, you have kids, you work hard, you work harder, you retire and you die. This is life. Well, this is what they believe life is. At one stage I actually believed that my grandparents want me to get married so badly so that I could have sex. That thought was very close to the truth than you would believe! Our grandparents (with all due respect to them, have had more than half a century of experience which results in some wisdom), are really functioning from a “survival of the fittest” mode. They want you to get married, so that you may spread your seed, and add to the family. The more kids you have the better, as this means you have more members in the clan to fight of animals or to protect the family from any other dangers that may arise. It is not a question of – “Are you happy ? Are you living according to you values? Are you following your heart and living your dreams?” No. The question is, “Can you get married and procreate ?” They seem to take this duty that they have bestowed up themselves very seriously.
You will be happy to hear that times are changing. People are changing. Parents are now having, one or no children and many are considering adopting as an option and the focus now is on both women and men working to sustain the family home, with both parents emphasizing the importance of success, without demanding a wedding.
The purpose of marriage is not to have children. It is to allow you to see yourself as you are, it is to allow you to bring yourself to balance and it to allow you to have support at any given time. Marriage allows you to share your best times and your worst times with your best friend – and face all adversity hand in hand. The children that you have come through you, and not from you and are an expression of the love that you share for one another. Quantity does not equal quality. You do not need a soccer team. Rather have one child and give him or her the best you can.
Until next time – stay awesome and out of the wedding trap. Love, Hitesh
Ever since “The Secret” movie / book came out all I ever hear is people telling me “Be positive!” I also hear people say “I am always positive” or “I am positive about my life”.
Let me share something with you – I am not an advocate of positive thinking and people that tell me how positive they are makes me say to myself “Oh God, not another one!” The only time I would tell someone to think more positively – is when they are thinking too negatively. You think positive to bring yourself back to balance. You can NEVER think positive all the time, or think negative all the time without you getting frustrated with yourself and the world. You think both positive and negative thoughts and together they keep you grounded or balanced. Too much of either and you are in trouble.
People are of the perception that positive thinking yields a positive life. The sun does not shine all day and night – if it did we would all be dead. Too much of any good thing is bad for you. It’s the way of nature. It is the law of the Universe. You can think positive all you want – but if you jump of a building you will DIE. You can think positive all you want, but if you play in traffic you will get knocked!
Positive thinking has to be backed up by positive actions – that is altogether aligned with the laws of the universe (such as gravity). These are real laws that govern our life. There is a fine line between being positive and being optimistic. Being positive means you believe everything will work out without any setbacks. Being optimistic means you see you goal in your mind and you work towards it, knowing that along the way you will meet obstacles and challenges that you will overcome. So, here you SEE the POSITIVE & you KNOW that there are NEGATIVE too and this is when success is drawn to you, instead of you chasing it or getting frustrated.
You must also GET REAL about what you want to happen. There are some people that say “Sometimes you have face reality and know that you cannot do…..” and you can fill in that blank. There are 2 takes on this. ONE: If you are blind – you cannot become a F1 drive. If you don’t have the skills and knowledge you cannot perform open heart surgery. If you do not have a quality product you cannot sell it for $1 million. TWO: If someone says to you that you cannot travel the world speaking and inspiring people selling thousands of books AND YOU CAN SPEAK, READ, WRITE AND ARE NOT AFRAID OF FLYING – then this is not facing reality. If someone tells you that you cannot free a nation from apartheid AND YOU HAVE A VISION AND PASSION, LOVE FOR YOUR COUNTRY, AND BREATH IN YOU, then this is not facing reality. So GET REAL about what you want and do what you need to do to make what you want happen. Positive thinking must be following by positive actions if you want the desired results!
You are allowed to feel and think negative. If you are dumped, or have been fired from work or have been mugged, then you are going to feel NEGATIVE. I am telling you it is OKAY to feel negative. Allow these feelings to be felt. The sooner you allow yourself to feel it, the sooner the feeling of being negative will pass and you will experience love and peace again. Positive + Negative = Love – and love is a balanced state and is the state you wish you be in. Trying being happy all the time and you will eventually crack and become just as negative because you have not allowed yourself to feel down.
So – take this away:
1. Be more positive, if you are too negative to become balanced again
2. Know the difference between being positive and being optimistic
3. Know the laws of the Universe
4. Get real – but don’t “face reality”
5. Don’t think positive – think LOVE
6. Bank up positive thoughts with positive actions
Be great always,
Love – Hitesh
*note the love I speak of here is relationship love and NOT divine love.
Let’s face it. We humans are compulsive liars. We lie all the time. We especially lie when it comes to “love.” From my experience with relationships and counseling hundreds of couples, I know that we make many promises to our partner that we never keep. We promise to never cheat, hurt or leave them, yet we do it anyway. We also say to them that this love is so special and so amazing. Yet, you said the same thing to your previous partner. You feel like nothing is as great and blessed as this love you guys share – but this is the same feeling you had before.
So why do we lie?
The truth is we don’t even know we are lying. So if we don’t know we are lying, how do we ever do anything to change it? We can’t. I think we can only become aware we are doing it and acknowledge that yes, we are liars and we that we do lie. We should also realize that we are both the lover and the heartbreaker and that we hurt people as much as we love people. We do both and that’s truth. I know what it feels like to be dumped. I also know what it feels like to dump someone. Do you have the courage to admit the above? You were designed to be balanced and every area of your life will be this way.
I am not saying that the love you share with your new partner is a lie. Each time you get to share and experience love the Universe celebrates with you. But do not act as if the love you shared with your previous partner meant nothing. People that fall in love hard – usually end up getting slammed hard. They experience an extreme HIGH and then an extreme LOW. I promise you that your new amazing partner will hurt you and disappoint you. You will only stay with them depending on much you can tolerate their crap and how much value they add to your life. You will stay with them until someone “better” comes along. In reality it’s not someone better. It is just someone who behaves the way you like in relation to how much you have changed. People don’t change – you do.
Every princess is a bitch and every prince is a bastard. People have 2 sides. At any given moment you get to experience one side. Get real about the love you have and stay grounded. Cos what goes up must come down – but if you always on the ground, you will never gave to fall. You will never have to fall OUT of love, because you didn’t fall IN love in the first place. You can do this, if you realize that you are love and that at any moment you have love in your life. When you live in this energy, and you do meet a partner, you do not have to lie to yourself and the world how new and wonderful this “new” love is. You can just continue celebrating as you were before.
I wish you love always,
How many times have you had someone tell you this just before you or they depart? “See you later!” These words are one of hope and love. Unfortunately, we all know how life works. Here today – Gone tomorrow. It is more like, here now, gone the next moment. No one knows when we have to exit this stage and when our role will come to an end.
I have completely devoted my life to living such that I have no regrets and no fears. I do what I want to do, say what I want to say and live the life I want to live as best I can. I urge you to do the same.
The next time you hear those words “see you later” I want you to stop and think about the person who is telling you this or the person you are telling it too. Is there something that you need to tell them? If this really was the last the time you will see them, what will you do or say?
Let’s get real. We all have to die. We all have to leave our bodies and set off on another grand adventure. When people die, we mourn them, even if they are our parents or our children or our best friend, but we manage to move on. We are built to survive. We are built to be strong and cope with whatever adversity comes our way. We are survivors. We are stronger than we actually give ourselves credit for. However while we do have the people that we have in our lives, lets love and appreciate them and enjoy each moment that we have with them. Life is passing by – make sure you don’t miss out on the most important thing in life – sharing love.
Take joy in the time you get to share love with someone; something that is precious to you because life can take them away from you in a heartbeat.
Last week, I lost my best friend. His name is Dr Kuben Nair. I wish I never had to blog about this, but here I am. Kuben, was truly one of the greatest human beings I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. He was everyone’s best friend. There is no one that can deny how big his heart was. He represented the attitude every doctor should have, and the quality every best friend should have. I am not certain what awaits us after death – but I wish that wherever he is, that he is living an amazing life experiencing just peace and love. I will miss him a lot – but in his honour, I will aspire to live the way he lived and touch the lives of thousands of people. His spirit will always live in my heart.
Treasure the people in your life.
I love you, Hitesh